


that's alright

by Jenhoney



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Sad, Self-Esteem Issues, adding stuff for the second chapter:, at least I don't think so, but hateful comments made him unhappy, but sunshine min isn't really sunshine min in this, he wants to be better for joo, implied making up, jooheon is half asleep, jooheon thought min had bad news, joohyuk is stronger than ever, min loves joo forever, minhyuk deserves the best, minhyuk gets better, minhyuk is in love with jooheon, this isn't as sad as i'm making it seem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-04 18:19:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17309546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenhoney/pseuds/Jenhoney
Summary: "Why don't we..." Minhyuk trailed off, his eyes closing. He felt tears stinging at the back, his tongue suddenly feeling like lead in his mouth. He knew that, once he said it, it was final."Why don't we what, hyung?" Jooheon urged softly, thumb trailing against the skin beneath Minhyuk's eyes, the tip brushing against his eyelashes."I don't know how to explain why I'm saying this. I feel... I feel sick," Minhyuk mumbled under his breath, his heart racing and stomach churning, "Jooheonie, why don't we break up?""What? Why would we do that?" Jooheon asked after a long moment of silence, eyebrows drawn. "That doesn't make sense, hyung.""I'm... I keep letting negative things get me down. I don't want to pull you down with me, Jooheon. I want to get better. I want to be happier than I am. I want to be able to look at you and hear you say something nice and not let one stupid comment in the back of my head get me down and wrack away at my brain when you're not around. I want to be better for you," Minhyuk explained, words feeling like acid on his tongue. He swallowed. The taste of his own words made him feel like throwing up. He briefly considered doing just that once this was done.





	1. Chapter 1

Minhyuk was so in love with Jooheon. He loved the man more than he loved anything else. He loved his dimpled cheeks, he loved his smaller hands, he loved his squinted eyes, he loved his voice; he loved the way Jooheon would try to protect him from the rude comments on his social media, on anything affiliated with him. He decided to delete his account, however. It was easier that way. 

 

He had changed, however. His easy smile, his loud laugh, they were a bit harder to achieve. He was tired, as much as he hated to admit it. He despised it. The tiredness that had overtaken him, the sluggishness that crept up his spine and weighed his shoulders down, down, down into a horrible slump he wished to shrug off and push away. But he couldn't. He was drowning, drowning in his own mind, filled with negativity and self-hatred. He knew the things he'd read was untrue, yet it still slithered into the back of his head while he tried to sleep, nudging at his consciousness until he was unguarded, before lunging and attacking, hurting him down to his core. 

 

"Jooheon," he whispered one night, his fingers laced with the half-asleep boy's. He received a hum in response, a gentle squeeze to his hand. He was quiet for a moment, debating, restless. He knew nothing would ever change how he felt for Jooheon, but he didn't want to drag Jooheon down with him. How could he explain it, then? Explain that every compliment Jooheon murmured to him in the dead of night was always buried by a sea of hateful comments that still plagued him, even months after he deactivated his account? How could he explain it? Explain that he loved Jooheon with every fiber of his being, yet didn't want to become the anchor to pull Jooheon down with him? 

 

He vaguely wondered if Jooheon would still think of him as a good person as he turned on his side to face Jooheon. Jooheon did the same. Looking into his eyes suddenly became too much. "Jooheonie," he tried again, voice quieter. He hesitated. 

 

"What is it, hyung? You can tell me," Jooheon's low voice rumbled, bringing his free hand up to caress Minhyuk's cheek, an encouragement. Perhaps he was showing Minhyuk that he was safe. Minhyuk couldn't tell. 

 

"Why don't we..." Minhyuk trailed off, his eyes closing. He felt tears stinging at the back, his tongue suddenly feeling like lead in his mouth. He knew that, once he said it, it was final. 

 

"Why don't we what, hyung?" Jooheon urged softly, thumb trailing against the skin beneath Minhyuk's eyes, the tip brushing against his eyelashes. 

 

"I don't know how to explain why I'm saying this. I feel... I feel sick," Minhyuk mumbled under his breath, his heart racing and stomach churning, "Jooheonie, why don't we break up?" 

 

"What? Why would we do that?" Jooheon asked after a long moment of silence, eyebrows drawn. "That doesn't make sense, hyung." 

 

"I'm... I keep letting negative things get me down. I don't want to pull you down with me, Jooheon. I want to get better. I want to be happier than I am. I want to be able to look at you and hear you say something nice and not let one stupid comment in the back of my head get me down and wrack away at my brain when you're not around. I want to be better for you," Minhyuk explained, words feeling like acid on his tongue. He swallowed. The taste of his own words made him feel like throwing up. He briefly considered doing just that once this was done. 

 

"Hyung, I thought you said you forgot about those? Why did you lie, hyung? We can get through this together, you know?" Jooheon questioned, a smile on his lips despite the furrow of his brow. His smile was pained. Minhyuk swore there were tears in his eyes. 

 

"It's alright, Jooheonie. Don't cry," Minhyuk murmured, holding back his own tears as he raised a hand, brushing his thumb along Jooheon's lower lash line. He caught a tear before it fell. "Don't try to harden my heart for me, okay? This is something I need to do on my own. It'll be painful, for both of us, but that's alright. We'll be okay." 

 

Jooheon pursed his lips, blinking back more tears. Minhyuk could see understanding in his eyes, laced with pain and blanketed by the tears he fought back. He considered taking it back. He knew this was better. He decided against it. 

 

"Jooheonie, if you still love me when I'm better, we'll get back together, okay? You know you'd be the first I tell when I'm okay, you know that, right?" Minhyuk asked softly, moving closer to Jooheon, to hug him close, to pet his messy hair and let him cry into his shoulder. 

 

"Y-Yeah," Jooheon stammered through a sob, fingers gripping the fabric of Minhyuk's shirt, twisting it, "I know."

 

"Jooheonie, you know I love you, right?" Minhyuk asked again, quieter. He felt Jooheon's fingers tighten around his shirt. He felt his fingers tremble. 

 

"Yeah." 

 

"Can you be happy for me, then? I don't think I'll get better if you're unhappy. Can you be happy for me, Jooheonie?" 

 

He was silent for a while, leaning back and staring at Minhyuk with tear filled, unblinking eyes. His tongue darted out to wet his lips before he nodded slowly. 

 

"Can you say it out loud for me, Jooheonie?" 

 

"I'll be happy, hyung. I'll be happy for you." 

 

Minhyuk pressed a kiss to Jooheon's forehead. His lips quivered, his eyes shut tight. He allowed his own tears to fall. 

 

"You have to be happy for me, okay, baby? You know I'm yours," Minhyuk whispered, his hand running through Jooheon's hair. 

 

"I'll be happy, hyung," Jooheon repeated, his own fingers moving up to pet Minhyuk's hair. Minhyuk noticed how badly his hand shook. 

 

Minhyuk would get better. It would take time, but that was alright. He knew he would, and then he would return to Jooheon's arms as a better Minhyuk, one who deserved to call Jooheon his. As Monsta X's Minhyuk. 


	2. we're alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm okay now," Minhyuk said softly, breath ghosting over Jooheon's lips. He wondered if his breath smelled like mint, like the toothpaste he'd used that morning, or of the chocolate milk Kihyun had fussed at him for drinking for breakfast. 
> 
>  
> 
> A breath escaped Jooheon's lips before they pursed in thought, brows furrowed. His lips puckered after a moment, shiny and pink. He was pouting. "What do you mean? You just said you felt a lot better," he pointed out. He didn't understand, Minhyuk realized.

A year and a half. It took a year and a half for Minhyuk to build his confidence back up. A shine returned to his eye. It was almost rare to see him without a smile again. It improved everyone's moods, despite how tired they all were. Their vitamin had returned in full force, all bright grins and loud laughs and clingy beyond belief. If a frown crossed his lips, all it would take is a member to run their fingers through his hair, for a fan to look him in the eyes or cheer him on, and it was immediately gone, no trace of sadness in his eyes. He was happy, though something was missing. Something that had been missing for a while now. 

 

The dorm was quiet, a rare day off for the group, one that most chose to spend outside the building. Hoseok was off to continue working on his music with Changkyun and Kihyun in tow, while Hyungwon went out for a meal with Hyunwoo after the promise that Hyunwoo would pay. "My treat," Hyunwoo had told the man, watching a light enter Hyungwon's eyes and shaking his head fondly when he rushed to his room, most likely to get ready. Jooheon had planned on going to work on songs of his own, both for the group and for himself, but Minhyuk had stopped him with a tender hand on his lower back. Jooheon knew to stay, had no questions to ask or complaints to offer. He retreated into his room until everyone left. 

 

Minhyuk knocked on Jooheon's door, deciding it was the polite thing to do, though doors often didn't mean much to him. Spending time with the others was serious business, and he knew no one really minded much when he strutted in as if the room belonged to him as much as it belonged to them. The door opened, though Jooheon didn't stand at it. The boy walked back over to his bed, hand fisted in front of his mouth to hide his yawn. 

 

"Come on in, hyung," Jooheon murmured once he noticed Minhyuk still standing in the doorframe. He had tired eyes, lips pulled tight in an almost-smile, yet it was clear the corners wouldn't pull up into a real smile. He looked just a little too tired for that, just a little too lazy. His hair was a mess, the hoodie he wore loose on his frame, his shorts falling just below his waist. He was wearing Hyunwoo's clothes, Minhyuk realized. He must've whined until Hyunwoo offered his own clothes as a compromise. 

 

"Tired, Jooheonie?" Minhyuk questioned as he stepped into the room, shutting the door behind himself quietly. He knew the answer already, knew Jooheon would deny it as he strided across the room, settling down in Jooheon's bed next to him. He tugged the sheets over his own calves. The room was slightly cooler than his own. He almost regretted wearing his shorts. The sheets were as cool as the room, if not cooler. He curled into Jooheon, pulling the sheets up further to cover Jooheon too, their backs pressed against the wall. 

 

"Just a little. I couldn't sleep. I'm not used to not having a schedule," Jooheon admitted, his head falling to rest on Minhyuk's shoulder. His eyes fluttered shut. 

 

"Me either," Minhyuk agreed, his arm raising to wrap around Jooheon's shoulders, to twirl Jooheon's hair around his index finger. "How have you been, Jooheonie?" 

 

"I'm good, I think. Better knowing everyone can rest, but I feel weird resting. Feels like I should be working," Jooheon said quietly, eyebrows furrowed slightly. 

 

"It's alright to rest," Minhyuk said softly, a quiet chuckle escaping his lips. He was grateful that he wasn't the only workaholic. 

 

"How are you?" Jooheon asked, his head raising, eyes meeting Minhyuk's. He was searching for something within the older man's eyes. 

 

"A lot better. I don't feel heavy anymore," Minhyuk paused, pursing his lips. "I feel lighter. I don't feel like such a bother anymore. It's nice." 

 

Jooheon smiled, his forehead bumping Minhyuk's lightly, intimately, like a cat bunting its owner. "I'm glad." 

 

Minhyuk leaned into the intimacy, his heart feeling light. "I'll still feel like I did sometimes, I know, but now I know how to counter it, I guess you can say. I'll always know that what you and the fans say are always going to be more important than what someone hiding behind a screen can ever say." 

 

"I'm glad," Jooheon repeated, softer. He brought a hand up to cup Minhyuk's cheek, to brush his thumb along his skin. 

 

"Jooheonie," Minhyuk whispered, his eyes fluttering shut at the touch. They hadn't been quite this intimate since Minhyuk had ended things. They'd held hands and hugged, but never kissed. They'd murmur sweet nothings and curl up together, but never touch one another like this, like the other was fragile, so fragile they may break if one spoke too loud or moved too quickly. 

 

Jooheon hummed, a gentle response to Minhyuk's call. The puff of air from Jooheon's nose tickled Minhyuk's upper lip, reminding him of just how close they were. 

 

"I'm okay now," Minhyuk said softly, breath ghosting over Jooheon's lips. He wondered if his breath smelled like mint, like the toothpaste he'd used that morning, or of the chocolate milk Kihyun had fussed at him for drinking for breakfast. 

 

A breath escaped Jooheon's lips before they pursed in thought, brows furrowed. His lips puckered after a moment, shiny and pink. He was pouting. "What do you mean? You just said you felt a lot better," he pointed out. He didn't understand, Minhyuk realized. 

 

Unable to stop the fond smile from spreading over his lips, Minhyuk leaned forward, his eyes closing once more. His fingers were still splayed in Jooheon's hair, dull fingernails now scratching lightly at Jooheon's scalp, just above his ear, just where he liked it. His other hand raised, cupping Jooheon's cheek and thumbing at the spot where he knew Jooheon's dimple lay. "Jooheonie, I'm okay," he repeated, teasing Jooheon just a bit longer. 

 

"I heard you, but you told me-" Jooheon started, eyes squinted as he tried to understand, tried to wrap his head around their conversation. Minhyuk could see the confusion dancing in his eyes, grasping for some hidden meaning he likely believed there was. 

 

Minhyuk decided to spare him. "Do you remember what I promised you?" 

 

The silence was deafening. Minhyuk could see the realization in Jooheon's eyes. "Oh," Jooheon whispered after a long moment. It was clear he didn't know if he should be happy or upset or afraid or anything else. He settled on nervous. "About us getting back together?" 

 

Minhyuk nodded. 

 

"So..." Jooheon trailed off. He swallowed thickly, noisily. 

 

"Do you still love me, Jooheonie?" Minhyuk asked softly, carefully. He understood why Jooheon was nervous. He was too, though he didn't quite understand why. He'd done anything and everything with Jooheon, even laid himself bare physically and emotionally and mentally, yet right now, he suddenly felt as if he was stripped of his clothes and his skin, his muscles and his tissue, until he was mere bones in front of the younger boy. 

 

Jooheon's breath caught in his throat. His eyes shook, glossed over, as he stared into Minhyuk's. "Yes, of course. I love you so much," he whispered, his voice failing him. He turned, shifting himself to settle in front of Minhyuk instead of beside him. Their knees brushed, the warmth of Jooheon's skin seeping through the sheets and warming Minhyuk. "Is this what you wanted me to stay for?" 

 

"Well, yes, but I also wanted to spend time with you," Minhyuk admitted, his hands resting on his knees. He didn't know when they started sitting formally, didn't know when Jooheon's shoulders had slouched in on himself, the confidence he'd sat with before having withered. "Relax, Jooheonie," he coaxed softly, shifting to sit with his legs crossed. 

 

"I wasn't worked up," Jooheon argued weakly, though he complied to Minhyuk's words, shifting to mimic him, hands folded between his legs. His shorts rode up slightly, showcasing a tanned thigh. 

 

Minhyuk reached out, carefully tugging the fabric down. Goosebumps were left wherever his fingers brushed. "Jooheonie," he started, eyes raising, waiting patiently for Jooheon's to meet his. 

 

"Yes?" Jooheon asked quietly, eyes hesitantly looking into Minhyuk's. His hands shook the slightest bit. 

 

He was expecting the worst, Minhyuk realized. "Come closer to me," he said softly, his arms extended, waiting for a hug. 

 

Jooheon responded in seconds, his arms raising to wrap around Minhyuk's neck, his body raising to settle in his lap. He visibly relaxed, fingernails digging the slightest bit into the fabric of Minhyuk's shirt. 

 

"Why would you move away if it would scare you so much, hmm?" Minhyuk asked softly, a hand on the back of Jooheon's head, petting him, holding him closely. 

 

"I don't know," Jooheon admitted, thighs tightening against Minhyuk's sides, "I guess it felt like a mature thing to do." 

 

"Jooheonie, I love you," Minhyuk cooed softly, pressing his lips against Jooheon's sideburn. "If I had known doing it like this would scare you so much, I would've just said it outright." 

 

Jooheon let out a breath he'd been holding for too long. He buried his face in the junction of Minhyuk's neck and shoulder, lips pursed for only a moment before he started leaving kisses against the skin. "I started to overthink," he admitted under his breath, lips trailing upwards to Minhyuk's neck. 

 

"You know I don't think much," Minhyuk teased lightheartedly, leaning his head back just enough to press gentle pecks to the corner of Jooheon's lips, "I wouldn't have thought of anything nearly as advanced as that, you know?" 

 

"You're a wild card," Jooheon pointed out, a small smile on his lips, his breath finally evening out. His fingers loosened their grasp on Minhyuk's shirt. 

 

"And you're my king," Minhyuk murmured with a small grin of his own, bumping their foreheads together again, his eyes squinted as he watched Jooheon fondly. 

 

"You're embarrassing," the younger mumbled, grin growing on his lips before he hid it with a firm kiss to Minhyuk's lips. His hands trailed to Minhyuk's cheeks, cupping them between his hands almost as if he was holding the most priceless thing in his hands, thumbs tracing Minhyuk's jawline with a tenderness the man hadn't felt in so long. 

 

"I'm yours," Minhyuk corrected, though his words were swallowed by Jooheon's lips, feeling the man become more greedy as they kissed, hands slipping beneath Minhyuk's shirt, fingers splayed along his stomach. He was quick to reign the kiss back in, to make it more careful and tender. 

 

Jooheon parted after a few moments, cheeks flushed and hair a mess from Minhyuk's fingers, lips reddened and shiny, a smile tugging at the corners. 

 

"I'm yours," Minhyuk repeated, fingers running through Jooheon's hair to smooth it down, to tame the messy frayed strands. 

 

"I'm yours," Jooheon echoed, fingers slipping from beneath Minhyuk's shirt to run through the older boy's hair in return, making it wilder than it had been. He seemed pleased with his work. 

 

"Jooheonie, we'll be alright, you know?" Minhyuk said softly as he wrapped Jooheon in another hug, hand finding its way to the back of Jooheon's head once again, petting his hair. 

 

"We are alright," Jooheon corrected with a bright grin. 

 

It made Minhyuk's heart flutter, made his mind feel as if the clouds parted to allow the sun to shine through once again. It was like his life had been sunny for some time, yet the wispiest of clouds still blocked out the brightness of the sun, and seeing Jooheon smile so wholly, so happily, had caused the clouds to drift away with the breeze and allow his life to truly brighten. He was tempted to tug his heart from his chest and hand it to Jooheon, wordlessly telling the man that his heart truly belonged to him. "We're alright," Minhyuk echoed, eyes squinted as he returned the grin just as wide. 

 

He wouldn't allow himself to sink into a hole again, distancing himself from the younger man and their friends, from the fans he loved so dearly. If he felt his chest grow heavy and his heart grow hazy, he wouldn't bottle it or keep it to himself, wouldn't let him drag him down and keep him there like an anchored ship. As long as he had Jooheon, he would be alright. They would be alright. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took m u c h longer than i'd meant to take in writing it, but school got in the way!! i'm not particularly happy with how this turned out, so i might change a few things over the next couple of days when i have the energy to! for now, enjoy this messy little thing that i should've finished long ago! thank you for reading!! ♡

**Author's Note:**

> this was,,, a lot sadder than my usual stuff,,, i listened to [minhyuk's cover](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILVnOCd7Peo) again after a long while and cried to it and this was born, so you can completely blame this,,, please listen to it if you haven't already, the view count is so low and i'm pretty sure i need more money for more tissues,,, anyway, enough of my rambling!!! thank you so much if you stuck around to the end, and i hope you enjoyed! ♡ let's make 2019 great for minhyuk, yeah?


End file.
